Monday, January 10, 2011

Angry Redhead Syndrome

My "Wake Up, Kelly" Project hit a few bumps this weekend due to work ... and the necessary liquid therapy after work (should probably address this "cocktails to reduce stress" issue I seem to have... hm..). But I got it back on track this morning. Last night I went to sleep at 12:30 and woke today at 9:00 am....

I know. That isn't most peoples' definitions of going to sleep early or waking up early. However, I'm still a bartender and I work all PM shifts. I normally don't leave work until after 12:30. And when you're up until 2 am, waking up earlier than 9 is not easy.

So with my sleep habits changing, I've decided to add a new personal goal for myself.

First let me say. I'm a redhead. And I (obviously) have a temper. I definitely fit this stereotype completely. I have a short-fuse. And it can be a problem.

Part of this I have adopted willingly as "just a part of my personality." I can sometimes tone down my angry snaps into witty sarcasm --- which most people seem to appreciate... once they get used to it.

I also tend to come across much like an ice cube or maybe a porcupine when people first meet me. I can't even count how many times I have heard "You know, when we first met I didn't really like you. But now that I know you better, you're really awesome!" I see this as a good thing. I mean, come on. It's better than the opposite! "We clicked right away when I met you! But now I can't stand the person that I have gotten to know..."

I've also been told that I have an "angry resting face." This means that the way my face naturally is when I'm feeling neutral is.... um.... ANGRY! I have people constantly ask, "Kelly! What's wrong/" To which I reply, "Nothing. Why?" They follow up with "oh! You just look angry or upset!"

I also have "the look" (as my friends refer to it). "The look" is a death stare of icy pissed-offness. I have perfected this glare over the years and I can put it on without even being angry (just for fun.... no joke I actually get, "Hey Kelly, do the look!") And I'm almost proud of this look that scares the shit out of most people.

Despite my good humor about being an angry redhead ... I don't like playing this role at all. I will admit, having an angry outburst gives a rush of energy ... it's almost exhilirating! But it is always followed by a crash. An overwhelming feeling of guilt. Because I honestly don't like making people feel bad.

I don't know if I can really change peoples' intitial impressions of me. I'm not a friendly, out-going, meet-new-people type in general. On the other hand though... I am a bartender. So everyday I talk to complete strangers and I'm generally friendly and warm and engaged in whatever insane topic they wish to talk about. Of course, that is a bit like acting and I don't want to "fake it" in real life. But the fact of the matter is that I am capable of being warm right off the bat. (Of course if you try talking to me for 30 minutes straight about your love of organ music, I will bring out the bluntness and tell you I don't care).

When I'm in a good mood and smiling, it scares people who know me well. Since my "normal face" isn't a happy one. I think if I made an effort to act happier then I can change my "normal face" --- at least a little. And with acting happier, I would be happier and LESS ANGRY! Bingo!

As for "the look." As entertaining as it can be (and fun to try out on my future children - mwahaha), I need to learn how to control it. So in the moments that I am actually angry, it doesn't just show itself without my even knowing it.

So my goal is this: Greet anger with serenity and understanding. Whether the anger is from myself or from someone else. I will not feed the fire until it grows into blind rage.

Any anger control advice would be appreciated!

1 comment:

  1. Hi I know we have never met but you remind me so much of myself and how I experienced life at your age. First of all a little about me. I am a 53 year old man. I am single so rest easy I am not looking for someone to hook up with, especially someone who is clearly young enough to be my daughter. I have not even dated in quite a while and am not going to for a while. I started up and ran my own small window and door repair business for 22 years and then life threw me a few curve balls. Today I am living on SSDI and some outside help. I am not in a wheel chair or anything like that, I am just not able to get around like I used to suffice it to say. So for the last several months I have found myself every day, devouring info on ex pats and foreign countries. Hence here I am reading your blog. I just now realized the reason I can hardly type right now is I already took my sleeping pills. I am going to go ahead and just make this a two parter. I will right more tomorrow. If I for get remind me to send you the Eschatological Laundry List. I have a sneaking suspicion you will like it and get a few chuckles from it.
    Ltrz John