La Peliroja en Guachinton

That's right, my friends...I am back in the US of A. Which means the title of this blog has got to change... but that will come in time...

For now, I'll procrastinate the next step in my life by posting a photo wrap up.

The unwanted boy puppy. We named him Otto. He likes to bite everything at the moment.

Me drinking the national beer, Gallo. And of course, that's the Guate flag on the side.

Otto again. Very young and tiny. He is much bigger now...almost as big as his wimpy father.

The man looking somber. I just like this photo.

Maybe I will visit Guatemala again someday and have a more positive experience all around. But for now I'm content to have a happy stomach and calm nerves (although both have been a processes to change).

both sides of the coin or my love/hate relationship with travel

Like always when I leave a country to return to the US, I have a list of things I cannot wait to have when I get "home."

- a shower with hot water AND water pressure

- a fully equipped kitchen with lots of awesome kitchen tools (thanks mom!)

- a diet with far less pork

- a washer and a dryer

- drinkable tap-water

But there are also things I will miss....

- amazing coffee.

- freshly made corn tortillas

- chocobananos

- the man

- the academy (aka my place of work)

- spring-like weather always

I love/hate this feeling. It always starts when I begin to pack. It's this sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach (that has nothing to do with food poisoning). It's feeling like you're losing something important but at the same time it's excitement to move on. I think this feeling is exactly why I like flying. It's a rush of emotion and energy. It's intense.

I just wonder when after this I will have this feeling again..... we shall see.

my "guata" is "mala" or how my life is shifting...again

So I'm completely done with "stomachache"-landia. (in case you didn't catch that from the previous post)

(Side story... when I first got food poisoning here, a Chilean friend of mine said to me, "well obviously! I mean you're living in Guatemala! Get it? Guata - mala?!? jajajajaja!" In case the Chilean Spanish humor goes over your head, let me explain. In Chilean Spanish "guata" means "stomach" and "mala" means (everybody all together now...) "bad" --- so to a Chilean "Guatemala" is basically the equivalent of "stomachache." Awesome huh?)

My life has been pretty insane the past few years. Last year I lived in three different countries (and never stayed longer than 4 months in any of them). It's been an emotional roller coaster to say the least. And career development-wise, I feel like I've been lost at sea. With my birthday this month I feel as though I'm getting too old to mess around like this and I need to focus on something specific for work and settle down a bit. The problem is, I don't really know what that means....

I have a project in mind at the moment. I'm excited about it, but it's still in the early stages. I'm hoping it works out and I can make into my life. I'll explain that a little further later when I start making changes to this blog to go along with said project.

oh and PS I'm flying into the US late on Tuesday night. Surprise!

There's no place like....????

News flash! News flash! Guatemala is NOT Chile. *SURPRISE!*

OK OK... Obviously I knew that Guatemala isn't Chile before I came here. I understand that Latin America is not one big country. In fact I've had to explain numerous times to other people that I in fact did NOT drink lots of tequila and eat burritos everyday while living in Chile. But after having a successful "living abroad" experience in Santiago, I naively assumed that living in Guatemala would be a snap.

I feel bad constantly complaining about this country so I want to say that everything I'm about to write is totally based on my personal and limited experience living in Guatemala City for four months. So take from this what you will and judge me as a wimpy gringa if you so wish.

Never ever ever in my entire life have I had so many stomach illness than I have had in the past four months. I have had four CRUCIAL (what up DC slang?) cases of food poisoning. And by crucial I mean curl up in the fetal position, feel like I'm going die, and getting to know the porcelain god waaay better than I ever wanted kind of super duper crucial food poisoning. Don't worry, I won't elaborate further. I think you got the point.

I never had these issues in Chile. I got mild food poisoning ONCE from a sandwich with bad mayo. My stomach was a little queasy while adjusting to the tap water, but nothing that painful. I ate street food constantly and never had an issue. Dear Chile, Despite your rather bland and not so interesting food, I love and absolutely miss all of it at this very moment.

I severely miss my independence. Due largely to the safety issues here, I cannot go anywhere alone. And since I don't know a ton of people here, I rely heavily on the man to escort me everywhere. So if the man is working, I am a prisoner of my house. I miss walking around outside!! (and feeling relaxed while doing so). I miss being able to do normal errands, shopping, taking the bus, etc etc ALONE! I want to be able to hail a taxi on the street and not worry if the driver will try to mug me (not try to rip me off - THAT I can handle. I'm talking about gun totting cabbies). I seriously dream about wandering the streets of Santiago by myself.

I feel as though people here walk out the door in the morning and think "I wonder if I'm going to get mugged today?" Whenever I talk to a Guatemalan they are talking about the shooting that happened down the block yesterday, how their friend/aunt/cousin was mugged recently, their past robbing experiences, and warning me not to go ANYWHERE without someone (preferably male and Guatemala ... muscles wouldn't hurt either).

Although nothing (knock on wood) has happened to me, I've heard so much about crime and violence in this country that I am legitimately terrified to walk ONE block by myself. When I started to work at the Academy I was happy to learn that there is a mall one block away. Malls are the safest place to walk around and I thought oh good! I can go window shop if I have a break in classes during the day. Nope. Wrong wrong wrong. One of my co-workers told me a story of being robbed at gunpoint as he walked to the mall to grab some lunch (male, guatemalan... not muscle-y, but not wimpy looking either. So how would a gringa do? I don't even want to know). Needless to say, I've never walked the one block from my work to the mall ... I was sufficiently scared by the story.

Maybe I am a wimp. Maybe I am taking all of these stories too seriously. Who knows? All I know is that I live everyday scared of doing anything and everything. This is not mentally healthy.

I know that going back to the US is an option. And it's one that I'm considering. But oddly enough I find myself day-dreaming about that skinny little country at the end of the world: Chile. I know it's nowhere near perfect... but I've realized that I feel safe there and that is a very big deal, believe you me.

I still have a lot of soul-searching to do before I decide where to plant myself for a good long while (i'm starting to feel the urge to settle down... am I getting old?). But this is just a small glimpse of where my head is at right now.

'Twas the night before Christmas and I was eating crackers...again...

I have never had this many stomach viruses in my life. Thanks, Guatemala.

Merry Christmas Everyone.

And now for the ever-so classic SPANGLISH 'twas the night before Christmas:

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the casa,
Not a creature was stirring - ¡Caramba! ¿Qué pasa?

Los niños were tucked away in their camas,
Some in long underwear, some in pijamas,
While hanging the stockings with mucho cuidado,
In hopes that old Santa would feel obligado,
To bring all children, both buenos and malos,
A nice batch of dulces and other regalos.

Outside in the yard there arose un gran grito,
and I jumped to my feet like a frightened cabrito.
I ran to the window and looked out afuera,
And who in the world do you think that it era?

Saint Nick in a sleigh and a big red sombrero,
Came dashing along like a loco bombero.
And pulling his sleigh instead of venados,
Were eight little burros approaching volando.

I watched as they came and this quaint little hombre,
Was shouting and whistling and calling by nombre:
"Ay Pancho, ay Pepe, ay Cuco, ay Beto,
ay Chato, ay Chopo, Maruco, y Nieto!"

Then standing erect with his hands on his pecho,
He flew to the top of our very own techo,
With his round little belly like a bowl of jalea,
He struggled to squeeze down our old chiminea.

Then huffing and puffing at last in our sala,
With soot smeared all over his red suit de gala,
He filled all the stockings with lively regalos,
None for the ninos that had been very malos.

Then chuckling aloud, seeming very contento,
He turned like a flash and was gone como el viento,
And I heard him exclaim, y ¡esto es verdad!

Merry Christmas to all, ¡y Feliz Navidad!

(from http://www.spainview.com/xmas.html)

Despierta!!!!!

The age old questions: Which is better - Coca-cola or Pepsi-cola?

Everyone has their answer and their own personal opinions about taste to back it up. For me the answer is Coke. It's classic and to me, Pepsi tastes too much like sugar syrup.

Unfortunately, Guatemala is Pepsi country. The vast majority of restaurants here serve Pepsi, most of the ads I've seen are for Pepsi, etc. Sad times for Miss Kelly.

The newest Pepsi product to hit Guatemala is Pepsi Kick. From what I understand Pepsi Kick is an energy drink version of the soda (as if soda didn't already have a good amount of caffeine in it). There have been Pepsi Kick promotions all over the place. Weird commercials on TV and even weirder street team promoters.

I few weeks ago I was waiting for my taxi outside of my work on a Friday evening. It was about 8pm, so the drinking was already getting into full swing - and since my work is across the street from a few bars, I was witnessing the beginnings of Friday night mayhem. As I'm observing, a Pepsi Kick truck pulls up in front of a crowd of party-goers waiting to get into the bars. The sides of the truck were clear plastic and inside were two scantily clad females ready to hand out free samples of the new energy drink AND..... drum roll please.... a mariachi band.

Now the slogan of Pepsi Kick in Latin America is "Despierta!!" (meaning "wake up!")... and trust me, nothing wakes you up quite like a mariachi band. Needless to say, I had a good laugh and some decent entertainment while I was waiting for my ride.

And now to leave you with some very strange Pepsi Kick advertisements...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HC_mz3gV7Pg&feature=channel#watch-main-area

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJhP_acAXao&feature=channel

These were two of my favorites...but there are plenty more to watch. Gotta love Latino insanity.

Oh, and no - I haven't tried Pepsi Kick... I'm sticking to coffee, thanks.

*This and the next few posts will be based on my experiences within the past month or so. I'm behind on the times, but I don't want you all to miss out on the Guate fun. *

Thanks You! (or how the security guard made my day)

So I live in a gate- community. Sounds fancy, but it's not really. It's just plain necessary in order to be semi-safe in this entirely unsafe country. So we have a gate that is guarded by our nice security guys with big bad guns (seriously, these guns are huge). The security guards know me now ... at first I got weird looks since I am most definitely the ONLY gringa in our pueblo. But now they know I'm here to stay.

When I have to take a taxi home from work sans the man, sometimes some of the newer security guards stop my taxi to ask questions. This recently happened with one new security guard and one of my favorite security guards who definitely knows who I am. The newbie stopped the taxi and looked at me and asked: "What's your last name?" "J___" I responded, glancing over at my security buddy. He was grinning like he wanted to laugh. I paused before saying quickly, "But I live with the B____ family." My security buddy's grin got bigger - he was obviously enjoying the entertainment - since he could've easily told the newbie hey, she's cool. Let her pass. The newbie nodded when he hear the man's last name. As the taxi driver was pulling into the community, I heard my security buddy call after, "THANKS YOU!"

BEST THING EVER. I've never heard him speak English before which makes this extra adorable. He was already my favorite security guard and now he has no chance of losing that position. :o)

no more peliroja????

Sooo I might have to change the title of this blogs because there is a good chance that I won't be la peliroja (the redhead) for that much longer. Say what??!? Yes, that's right... I'm considering dying my hair. OK make that more than considering... I actually purchased hair dye today (it was onsale...I couldnt say no).

I've always said that I would never dye my hair... I love my red hair and the uniqueness of it. But it makes me stick out WAY too much in this country. I also stuck out a lot in Chile, but I never felt like this fact put me in any danger. In Guatemala, I feel like I need to play down my gringa-ness as much as possible so that I wont make myself more of a target for robbery. And since robberies here tend to involve firearms.... yeaaaahhh.

I feel like I should have the experience of dying my hair once in my life at least. And now I have a legit excuse for changing my lovely red locks for something a little bit more common - BROWN.

The man is excited about it (much more than I am... I'm a little more freaked out). Of course, he wanted me to dye my hair BLACK... I said no. I dont want to look emo, gothic, or like a walking corpse. So I bought a color called "Rubio Cenizo Oscuro." I have no idea what this means or how it will turn out! I'll probably give it a shot next weekend... so you all have a week to talk me out of this!!!!

The darkside of buses in Chapinlandia

This is part 2 of my experiences in Guatemalan public transportation. (read part 1)

The buses, despite the brightly colored exteriors and the steady pulse of reggaeton playing from within, are not always so cheerful and a perfect example of crime and violence in Guatemala City.

A few weeks ago, we were out running an errand (buying a new shower head so the poor gringa could have a hot shower) and we got a ride back home with el suegro. As we got closer to the house, traffic started to back up big time. While sitting in the stop and go traffic, el suegro leaned out the window to ask the opposite traffic what had happened. There was an "accident" involving a bus. "Accident" -- meaning the bus was robbed. What bus number? Number 75. Ours. The bus route we take almost everyday.

The next day on the front page of the paper was a gruesome photo of the bus driver and his assistant (the guy who collects the money when it's super busy) shot dead on the floor of the bus. Apparently, some guys had demanded money from the driver - and he had refused. The worst part about this experience for me (aside from the fact that this was MY bus route) was that I recognized the face of the driver. I'd ridden on his bus many times. I knew a US flag hung from the ceiling of the bus and that the assistant was a persistent flirt with all the young ladies. The driver was 21, and the assistant was 16.

This is most definitely NOT an isolated incident here in Guatemala. Bus driver deaths happen frequently (which makes me wonder WHY anyone would want to be a bus driver). Most people here are numb to this fact. They are constantly afraid of what might happen while riding a bus, but they also think of it as a fact of life. Thieves and gang members rob buses, people get killed, items are stolen, people are hurt. Welcome to life. End of story. I can't get used to this way of thinking ... but I guess it's easy to think this way when this has been the reality for your whole life.

Count your blessings, folks. Things could be worse. And that statement definitely applies to my situation too.

(you'll be happy to know that the shooters involved in the bus incident were caught shortly after the shooting. They ran, but the po-po have cars - imagine that!)

((to friends and family -- I'm not writing this to scare you. In fact, I almost didn't publish this post at all. But this is what happens here and I'm not going to hide it from anyone. Just know that I'm very careful when I have to go to work or anywhere else in the city.)

It's Monday: pass me the alcohol and let's pass out on the sidwalk

So here in Guatemala, the land of classy-ness, some people go to extremes to get a buzz. Ok, that's an understatement. By buzz I really mean, GET WASTED. Instead of just buying a small cheap bottle of some disgusting vodka or whiskey (as the bums in the states do), people here choose to go with the ever-so flavorful rubbing alcohol. Mmm Mmm. Sounds delish, don't it? I imagine drinking rubbing alcohol would taste like ...um.. drinking fire? maybe? I know I would totally be willing to painfully burn my throat in order to get drunk (sarcasm, people, sarcasm).

Today we walked past two shoeless individuals passed out on the sidewalk with some empty bottles of rubbing alcohol next to them. The were there last week too and they will probably be there again tomorrow. This is sadly, a typical sight.

Please, Guatemala, buy yourself a nice bottle of Chilean wine, enjoy it (and it's non-throat burning quality), and then pass out at home in your nice comfy bed. Salud!

The Hot and Cold of taking a shower

As I've previously mentioned, we "live without" in many ways. This is compared to my cushy-US-lifestyle -- because, let's be serious, there are people out there with much tougher lives than me. Since I grew up with having access to a shower with good water pressure and no lack of hot water, my shower situation now is a little shocking.

Let me describe. We have a strange nozzle for a shower head. There is a switch on the shower head for either cold, warm, or hot. I enjoy my hot showers, so I turn the switch to hot and then turn on the water. If you turn the water on full blast (meaning wonderful water pressure), you will only get freezing cold water (even if the switch is on "hot"). But, if you slowly turn the water down down down... until the nozzle starts making a "gurgling sound" .... then you will get hot water... and no water pressure. That's all good though. I can handle that. I will take my hot water, and forfeit my water pressure.

Oh wait, the fun doesn't stop there. This lovely shower head decided to - how should I put it? hmmm- uh, crap out. So now I have one choice only: freezing cold shower. I just can't do it. How do people live without hot water? I know plenty of people around the world do it, but geeeeez. They're all much stronger than me.

Now I did have a brief experience with no-hot-water when I was living in Chile. I suffered through by boiling hot water, pouring it into a bowl, and then washing my hair in the bowl. Awkward, but it worked.

I mentioned this water-boiling solution to the man as well as my absolute aversion to taking cold showers. He says "OK" and immediately goes to fill a bucket full of water. I watch him curiously because (A) the bucket is being filled with cold water (obviously) and (B) a plastic bucket cannot be heated on the stove. Then he grabbed a long cord with a oddly shaped orange contraption on the end. He places this thing in the bucket and then plugs the other end of the cord into an outlet. "Don't touch anything," he says. "I'll tell you when it's ready." A little while later, he carefully disconnects the cord and removes the orange dealy from the bucket. "Hot water."

And indeed it was hot water. And plenty of it to wash my massive amounts of (red!) hair. Oh you clever little guatemalans! (although, is risking electrocution really worth hot water?)

Seriously though, can't we just fix the shower head? (says the spoiled gringa)

The case of the monster-fridge

So I went through a pretty nasty case of food poisoning about a week ago. I got food poisoning about two weeks after moving to Chile as well - so it seems to be a pattern. Maybe that's how long it takes my body to realize the food is different and react negatively, or maybe it's just an odd coincidence. This time I figured out that the culprit was the pork made for a BBQ for B's birthday. Now, pork is a dangerous meat since, as many people say, pigs are dirty animals. I, however, do not blame the pig. I blame the refrigerator.

My suegro (father-in-law) had the interesting idea of buying a cheaper fridge to save some money. OK OK, not a bad idea. The problem is that this cheaper fridge is not your normal kitchen fridge. It's one of those soda display fridges that people put in their mini-marts, which also tend to consume a ridiculous amount of energy. Buy cheaper fridge, spend super duper amounts on the electric bill.... hmmmm. Ever the money-saver, el suegro decides to periodically unplug the fridge throughout the day. Lovely! Keep the fridge monster from eating all the electricity while making the temperature in the fridge fluctuate throughout the day. Food gone bad is a waste of money. Even worse, food that causes sickness could end in a hospital visit which is a LOT of money.

Now let's all ponder what might be one of the worst things to leave in the fluctuating-temperature-monster-fridge.... hmmm... let's see... need another minute? ..... ok ok, I'll tell you: RAW MEAT. Guess how long this raw meat was marinating before we cooked it! -- Roughly a day and a half. UFF.

And TA-DA! Miss Kelly has food poisoning like nobody's business (followed by B and el suegro not feeling so hot either...). I won't go into the nasty details of my suffering... but just know that it was exceptionally awful. I will offer one bit of advice though. If you ever have food poisoning, please know that dehydration usually comes along with that - so drink tons and tons of water. If you don't, you will experience the worst stabbing pain in your side (which after everything you went through with the food poisoning just feels like karma is being unnecessarily mean).

And about a week after this whole incident, I'm feeling much better............ and the monster-refrigerator has been happily devouring electricity without any breaks for the past few days. :o)

Introducing my roommates...

So I live with 2 dogs - chihuahuas, to be more exact. I love dogs- really, I do. But I never thought that I would be living with chihuahuas. In fact, I remember wanting to laugh when my Latino boyfriend told me he has pet chihuahuas (oh all the stereotype jokes you can think of!)

People seem to know chihuahuas for two things.... #1: the Taco Bell dog and/or #2: being vicious angry little purse dogs. As far as I know our chihuahuas do not prefer Taco Bell more than other human food nor do they say clever Spanish phrases. And only one of the two is vicious and mean.

So here are Terry and Perla.....

Terry is an evil evil dog. He's male and quite possibly has multi-personality disorder. One minute he is sitting calmly on the sofa next to you and then the next he is snarling and snapping at your hand. B. has bite marks on his arm now for simply sitting down next to him.

Terry is about 8 years old and has some issues jumping. He also tends to prance when he walks. The most bizarre thing about Terry is his nicotine addiction. If anyone is smoking a cigarette near him, that person is immediately his best friend. He will wait patiently until he can get to the smoking hand and then lick all the nicotine flavor off the hand. Seriously weird, right?

Perla is the lady of the house. She's about a year and half and she also has some issues jumping up onto the sofa -- this is due to the fact that she is PREGNANT (thanks to Terry, uff).

She is a sweetheart and only snaps at Terry. She has become my guardian. She will sit next to me on the sofa all comfy and then bark and snap at Terry if he tries to come anywhere near me. She seems to be rather scared of the camera (I think it might be the flash) - so we're lucky to have this photo of her. Perla is well along in her pregnancy, so we should be seeing chihuahua puppies very shortly!

I don't want to become one of those people who blogs about their pets too much, but there will definitely be some more blogs about Perla and Terry. :o)

Hello World.

So I'm finally starting up the blog. I know it's been a few weeks since I moved to "the land of the trees," but I've had my hands full with things like eating more beans than I have in my life so far, the unnecessarily difficult process of setting up the internet, surviving rides in brightly colored buses blasting reggaeton, the painful experience of food poisoning, and spoiling a cute pregnant chihuahua. I will expand on all of these fantastically entertaining topics in the next few days for your reading enjoyment. For now this is just a "hello world!" post in order to let everyone know that I am here!