Angry Redhead Syndrome

My "Wake Up, Kelly" Project hit a few bumps this weekend due to work ... and the necessary liquid therapy after work (should probably address this "cocktails to reduce stress" issue I seem to have... hm..). But I got it back on track this morning. Last night I went to sleep at 12:30 and woke today at 9:00 am....

I know. That isn't most peoples' definitions of going to sleep early or waking up early. However, I'm still a bartender and I work all PM shifts. I normally don't leave work until after 12:30. And when you're up until 2 am, waking up earlier than 9 is not easy.

So with my sleep habits changing, I've decided to add a new personal goal for myself.

First let me say. I'm a redhead. And I (obviously) have a temper. I definitely fit this stereotype completely. I have a short-fuse. And it can be a problem.

Part of this I have adopted willingly as "just a part of my personality." I can sometimes tone down my angry snaps into witty sarcasm --- which most people seem to appreciate... once they get used to it.

I also tend to come across much like an ice cube or maybe a porcupine when people first meet me. I can't even count how many times I have heard "You know, when we first met I didn't really like you. But now that I know you better, you're really awesome!" I see this as a good thing. I mean, come on. It's better than the opposite! "We clicked right away when I met you! But now I can't stand the person that I have gotten to know..."

I've also been told that I have an "angry resting face." This means that the way my face naturally is when I'm feeling neutral is.... um.... ANGRY! I have people constantly ask, "Kelly! What's wrong/" To which I reply, "Nothing. Why?" They follow up with "oh! You just look angry or upset!"

I also have "the look" (as my friends refer to it). "The look" is a death stare of icy pissed-offness. I have perfected this glare over the years and I can put it on without even being angry (just for fun.... no joke I actually get, "Hey Kelly, do the look!") And I'm almost proud of this look that scares the shit out of most people.

Despite my good humor about being an angry redhead ... I don't like playing this role at all. I will admit, having an angry outburst gives a rush of energy ... it's almost exhilirating! But it is always followed by a crash. An overwhelming feeling of guilt. Because I honestly don't like making people feel bad.

I don't know if I can really change peoples' intitial impressions of me. I'm not a friendly, out-going, meet-new-people type in general. On the other hand though... I am a bartender. So everyday I talk to complete strangers and I'm generally friendly and warm and engaged in whatever insane topic they wish to talk about. Of course, that is a bit like acting and I don't want to "fake it" in real life. But the fact of the matter is that I am capable of being warm right off the bat. (Of course if you try talking to me for 30 minutes straight about your love of organ music, I will bring out the bluntness and tell you I don't care).


When I'm in a good mood and smiling, it scares people who know me well. Since my "normal face" isn't a happy one. I think if I made an effort to act happier then I can change my "normal face" --- at least a little. And with acting happier, I would be happier and LESS ANGRY! Bingo!

As for "the look." As entertaining as it can be (and fun to try out on my future children - mwahaha), I need to learn how to control it. So in the moments that I am actually angry, it doesn't just show itself without my even knowing it.

So my goal is this: Greet anger with serenity and understanding. Whether the anger is from myself or from someone else. I will not feed the fire until it grows into blind rage.

Any anger control advice would be appreciated!

I'm NOT Irish

News flash people (for about the 587th time). I'm not Irish. Yes, I know I have red hair. And I know that the 1 Kelly is an Irish name. My name is some cruel joke thanks to my parents. The hair is (as far as I can tell from family tree information) from my Norwegian heritage. (Go vikings! Go!)

St. Patrick's Day is always a frustration for me when I'm in the US. People are always thinking I'm some insanely Irish leprechaun or something. And I know that a lot of people say "well everyone is Irish on St Patrick's Day!" But I just want to make it clear that I. Am. Not. Irish.

I probably add more to the confusion because I love corned beef and cabbage. And I have a strange addiction to potatoes (but seriously, other countries besides Ireland eat lots of potatoes - that is to say the people in the countries... not actually the countries themselves... err, ok sidetracked there for a sec). And my favorite color is green.

Point being, despite the signs - the hair, the name, the color, the food - the Kelly of this blog is not Irish.

But Happy St. Patrick's Day to you all anyway. Drink your green beer and whatnot. I'll be bartending all night and grimacing every time someone shouts, "hey red! You must LOVE this holiday, right? Cause you're sooooo Irish!!"

no more peliroja????

Sooo I might have to change the title of this blogs because there is a good chance that I won't be la peliroja (the redhead) for that much longer. Say what??!? Yes, that's right... I'm considering dying my hair. OK make that more than considering... I actually purchased hair dye today (it was onsale...I couldnt say no).

I've always said that I would never dye my hair... I love my red hair and the uniqueness of it. But it makes me stick out WAY too much in this country. I also stuck out a lot in Chile, but I never felt like this fact put me in any danger. In Guatemala, I feel like I need to play down my gringa-ness as much as possible so that I wont make myself more of a target for robbery. And since robberies here tend to involve firearms.... yeaaaahhh.

I feel like I should have the experience of dying my hair once in my life at least. And now I have a legit excuse for changing my lovely red locks for something a little bit more common - BROWN.

The man is excited about it (much more than I am... I'm a little more freaked out). Of course, he wanted me to dye my hair BLACK... I said no. I dont want to look emo, gothic, or like a walking corpse. So I bought a color called "Rubio Cenizo Oscuro." I have no idea what this means or how it will turn out! I'll probably give it a shot next weekend... so you all have a week to talk me out of this!!!!