Rocky Start

So I made two goals for myself recently. The first was to change my sleeping habits so I can wake up easier. The second was to control my anger in various ways.

As they say: Easier said (or Blogged) than done.

Major setback #1: During a stressful bartending shift on Friday, I took out some of my frustration by snapping at some of my co-workers. This was obviously not well received. I had TWO anger-charged confrontations with those co-workers. Afterward, even though I felt partially justified for my outbursts, I also felt BAD. I had disrupted my working environment in a negative way instead of trying to encourage people positively.

Major setback #2: As a result of my awful Friday shift, I self-medicated with Jagermeister. This of course made me stay up later than I should've and sleep later in an attempt to avoid a hangover.

Major setback #3: I randomly got into a huge fight with an important person in my life. I let my anger get to me and I fed the fire. I definitely did not greet anger with serenity and understanding. In fact, I made myself so angry that I had to leave the place and conversation all together. This almost ruined the rest of my day completely with bad energy. Fortunately, I was later given an unexpected opportunity to repair the damage. All is well.

Major setback #4: I have neglected creating a good nighttime ritual to get ready for bed. And so, I fell asleep with my contacts in last night and woke with crusty eyes early this morning. I immediately removed my contacts. Seeing that one eye was extremely irritated and red, I decided sleeping more was the best way to solve this. But waking up late today didn't solve anything. It just made me feel lazy. And my eye is still bloodshot which means I will have to wear my glasses today. Bummer.

Now that I have a clearer understanding of the hurdles I must overcome, maybe I can make real headway on my resolutions. Yes?

Wake up, Kelly!

I will admit it: lately I have been supremely LAZY. I've been sleeping more than is necessary (or healthy, I believe) and yet I'm still exhausted. I keep putting off errands that need to be done. I'm not even doing the activities that I normally enjoy!

And I'm beginning to become frantic about my birthday and MY "New Year" . Stress and anxiety over the new year is not a good way to start out. Where is that good energy that I am searching for?

Today I made an important (and obvious) discovery. I was pulled out of my normal routine of sleeping disgustingly late (some might call it luxurious... but honestly, it's just embarrassing) by my boyfriend, Z. He was running late for work and asked me for a ride (his car is out of commission so he usually walks to work). I painfully pulled myself out of bed, completely groggy and wishing for another few hours of sleeping. However, as soon as I was outside in the light of day and moving ... I was perfectly fine! How incredible!

You see, I had gotten into the bad habit of: A) Sleeping late B) staying in my PJs while I drank coffee and did nothing productive (justified as "waking up") C) Made excuses to myself about not accomplishing ANYTHING by saying "this is me time. I need this."

Pure BULLSHIT. I was making myself more tired and more lazy and generally more unhappy.

So I need a new morning routine. Getting in the habit of waking up early will take some effort and practice. But apparently all I need to get going it a shower and some sunlight (like I've always said, I am like a plant).

I know I will always indulge in my morning coffee. but this should not be an excuse to do nothing. Drinking coffee does not take an hour. And even if I do manage to stretch it out for that long, there is no reason I can't be taking care of other things at the same time. (Note to self: practice not spilling coffee so often. This will help).

And so this is step one in preparation for my new year..... WAKE UP!

My January Limbo

News Flash! Apparently the thing to do for New Years is make these things called resolutions! They are always positive and well intentioned, but they rarely survive the first month of the year.

I don't make New Years resolutions. I enjoy my New Years Eve and my New Years Day hangover without feeling like I need to make big changes in my life come January 1st.

You see, I have the wonderful gift of being born in the month of January. So the time between New Years and my birthday is my limbo time. It is a time to digest the previous year and meditate on what is important in my life. (It is no surprise that the vast majority of break ups in my dating history have occurred between New Years and January 19th.)

I can be as lazy as I want, drink whole bottles of wine every (other!) night and indulge in fancy cooking adventures that I would normally claim I don't have time for. All the while I mentally prepare of the upcoming year --- which obviously truly begins on my birthday (because I'm that self-centered. Yup. :o) ).

Don't misunderstand though. I don't really plan ahead that far. I usually grasp hold to one thing that I KNOW I want to do in the future and won't let go. These things usually don't make much sense (example: randomly moving to Chile to teach English. Not really a great career move, but totally satisfying). So I rarely make yearly goals or any such things. It's more like emotional and mental centering. I feel as if my energy is good then my whole life will go in the right direction (no matter how random).

So I am in limbo right now. Enjoying a glass of wine (Chilean Carmenere) and planning for my next cooking masterpiece. Centering my mind and reassessing my emotional needs.

So cheers! and Happy New Year!


Oh and no, I'm not planning on any break-ups during my limbo this year. I want to keep him for my next chapter. :o)