My Vicious Cycle or How I've Frozen Myself into Inaction

I've been researching a lot lately. I'm discovering a large range of things I want to try out - new hobbies, old hobbies, career options. And I'm excited about them all.

However, I can't start any of them.

Why? Because my apartment is messy. My messy apartment is a mental roadblock to everything else I want to do. It's also my excuse for NOT starting some of these things (because sometimes new things are a little nerve-wracking. And so my fear has created this thing to prevent me from doing something new). But I don't like cleaning, so I put it off by doing more research about things I want to do once I've cleaned my apartment. Oh. My. God. I'm psycho.

I've trapped myself in a self-made vicious cycle. I have frozen myself into inaction.

Wasn't one of my resolutions for this month to clean-up and maintain? Oh yes it was. But I hadn't done much of that until my fit of anger last night. Apparently angry energy makes me a cleaning machine (this is not a good sign, methinks!).

Within 45 minutes my apartment looked MUCH better. So hopefully I can use this cleaning-fit as an example of how easy it is to just DO IT.

Month 1: Clarity and Simplicity

For this month, my focus will be on clarity and simplicity.

When I first started considering this project, I felt myself getting overwhelmed with the amount of things I wanted to accomplish all at once. I wanted each month to build on the previous month's focus. But I began to realize that all my focuses intertwined! Which is good! Not bad! Stop stressing, Kelly!

So in order to make my project and my life more manageable, I chose clarity and simplicity for the first month. Now, what does this mean.

- Sleep routine: Sticking with some previous posts, I will continue trying to get better rest. This doesn't necessarily mean more. Just better. I will stick to a "Go to bed" routine and a "wake routine." And stop staying up late to watch Adult Swim with Z.

Get up earlier - give yourself a time of stillness. Use it to cultivate awareness. *

- Reduce clutter: I definitely don't need to throw out half of my closet like Gretchen Rubin did. But I do need to organize myself. I always use the excuse of "I'm too busy" when I see my dining room table covered in CRAP. I obviously need to MAKE the time to reduce clutter because - let's be honest - clutter sucks. Physical clutter creates mental clutter. I always feel flustered and that I can't get things done when my house is a wreck.

Let small chores serve as stop signs for you: Breathe, relax, and experience peace. *

- Minimize Anger: This will be ongoing, I'm sure. But step one is to get my temper under control. But that is such a broad idea too! I must first identify when I am angry and what triggered that anger. To take a PAUSE and reflect on this will help identify the problem but also prevent me from diving striahgt into anger. I must remember to greet anger with serenity and understanding.

When confronted by an angry person, simply observe his unhappiness and breathe in. Breathing out, try to understand and empathize. *


Establishing a sleep routine will simplify my schedule and reduce stress around what should be a restful time.

Minimizing clutter will simplify my personal space and create a more manageable place to work. Without clutter, I will be able to clearly focus on what I need to do.

Reducing anger will help me focus on clarity of LIFE. Anger creates fuzzy-ness and distraction from positivity and growth (cue Darth Vader's breathing...).


Three simple things. To ease my way into more changes to come.

*All three quotations are from Self-Meditation: 3,299 mantras, tips, quotes, and koans for peace and serenity. By barbara ann kipfer.